fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I am available for nakedness
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize