My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
