I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
