is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
