if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
