if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
