Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
