Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
These tits shall not be calmed
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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