Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize