He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
