In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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