I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
