Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
