Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
