It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
