Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
