I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
