I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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