There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
