Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
