My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
