If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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