If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
