ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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