shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize