I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
