1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
