My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
