it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize