I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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