I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
