She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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