i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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