This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Someone came in the potted fern
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
