If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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