i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
