im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
