My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
