Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
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