My first STD was from a foam party
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
