so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
