Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
