just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
