I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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