when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
