Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
