I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
