You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
