Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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