Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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