my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
