It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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