I can text with my tongue
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
