Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
