I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
