I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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