You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
