Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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