I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Randomize
