I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
