I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
