I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Randomize
