I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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