i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
