I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
