thus making me awesome and them whores
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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