I hate all girls vehemently.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
MIDGETS
????
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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