I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
