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You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize