Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
