Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
