i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
