the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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